An elderly man is stopped by the police around two in the morning. The officer asks where he is going at this hour. The man says he is on his way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the bad effects it has on the human body. He also mentions smoking and staying out late…
A little old lady went to buy cat food.The cashier said,“Sorry, we can’t sell this without proof you have a cat. Some people have been buying it for themselves.” So the lady went home, brought her cat, and was allowed to buy the food. The next day she tried to buy dog food. Again, the…
Old Aunt Cora went to see her doctor for some advice. “It’s terrible,” she said. “I haven’t been feeling right for a whole week.” “I see,” said the doctor. “Have you done anything about it?” “Oh yes,” Aunt Cora replied. “Every morning and every evening I sit quietly for half an hour.” The doctor asked,“No,…
Billy and Lucy were only 12 years old, but they were sure they were in love. Billy went to Lucy’s dad and said,“Mr. Smith, Lucy and I want to get married.” Her dad laughed and asked,“Well, Billy, where would you live?” Billy replied,“In Lucy’s room — it’s bigger than mine, and we’ll both fit!” Her…
Little Johnny and Billy were having the usual kind of argument kids often have. “My dad is better than your dad!” Billy shouted.“No, he’s not!” Johnny answered. “My brother is better than your brother!” Billy continued.“He is not!” Johnny yelled. “My mom is better than your mom!” Billy said. Johnny paused, then smiled and replied,“Well,…
An old lady was turning 100 years old. She was still healthy and walked to the market, post office, and bank all by herself. Since she lived in a small town, her birthday was a big event. The mayor gave her a badge for being the oldest person in town, and the local TV station…
A city boy was driving through the countryside at 55 mph when he noticed a chicken running beside his car. To his surprise, the chicken sped right past him still inside its fenced field! Amazed, the boy pulled into the farm and asked the farmer,“I was driving on the road, and one of your chickens…
A religious cowboy lost his favorite Bible while fixing fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him with the Bible in its mouth! The cowboy was amazed. He took the Bible, looked up to the sky, and said, “It’s a miracle!”The cow replied,“Not really. Your name was written inside…
Little Johnny raised his hand and asked his teacher, “Can I get in trouble for something I didn’t do?” The teacher looked surprised and said, “Of course not, Johnny! That wouldn’t be fair.” Johnny smiled with relief and said, “Great! Because I didn’t do my homework.”
One morning, Little Johnny was eating his breakfast. He started thinking and asked,“Mom, why does Dad have so little hair on his head?” His mom smiled and said,“He thinks a lot, sweetheart.” Johnny thought for a second and then asked,“Then why do you have so much hair?”