A wolf was walking through the forest when he saw a beaver. “Come here,” said the wolf. The beaver walked over, and the wolf, checking a list in his hand, said, “Ah, Mr. Beaver. Tomorrow at 8 a.m., you’ll come to the big field so I can eat you for breakfast. Any questions?” “No,” said…

A duck waddled into a bar and asked the bartender, “Got any lunch?” The bartender replied, “Sorry, this is a bar. We don’t serve lunch.”The duck said “Okay” and left. The next day, the duck came back and asked again, “Hey, bartender! What’s for lunch?” The bartender, now annoyed, said, “I told you yesterday, we…

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed Little Johnny standing in the church foyer, staring up at a large plaque. Johnny had been looking at it for some time, so the pastor walked over and stood beside him.Gazing at the plaque too, the pastor said quietly, “Good morning, son.” “Good morning, pastor,” Johnny replied, without taking…

A man walked into a bar with his golden retriever. He said to the bartender, “Can I get a free drink if my dog talks for you?” The bartender replied, “Dogs can’t talk, but if yours does, you get a drink. If not, I get to kick you out.” The man agreed and turned to…

An elderly man was walking down the street when a shabby-looking homeless man asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The elderly man took out his wallet, pulled out ten dollars, and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy beer instead of dinner?” The homeless man replied, “No, I stopped…

A man lost his credit card but waited a long time before going to the police to report it. The police inspector asked, “Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card earlier?” The man replied, “Because the thief was spending less than my wife.” The inspector then asked, “So why are you reporting it now?”…

Little Johnny had just passed his driving test and asked his father when they could discuss him using the car. His father said, “I’ll make a deal with you. If you bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut, then we’ll talk about the…

After checking an elderly couple, the doctor told them they were physically fine but should consider writing things down to help with their memory.The couple thanked the doctor and went home. A few days later, while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair.His wife asked where he was going.He replied that he…

A couple was sitting in a lawyer’s office working on their will.The lawyer told them they should also talk about how they wanted to be treated in case of serious illness. The man turned to his wife and said, “Please promise me that if I am ever dependent only on machines and bottled fluids to…

An eight-year-old boy named Johnny had never spoken a word. One afternoon, while eating lunch, he turned to his mother and said, “The soup is cold.” His mother was astonished and said, “Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. Why haven’t you said anything all these years?” Johnny looked at her and replied,…